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saved_soul
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: Canada
Birthday: 10/31/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: -ice hockey
-roller hockey
-street hockey
-floor hockey
-air hockey
-ping pong hahaha I'm chinese I have to like it!
Expertise: health sci/kinesiology
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/3/2002
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| I Fell in Love with Saved_Soul
I have to confess, i had a love affair with saved_soul. He was everything that I wanted to be.... and more.
I admired how saved_soul was able to capture his audience's attention
with his glamorous pictures, nifty graphics and oh yes, his writing too
...i guess. He was AA's member of the week and member of the year. I
mean his face was planted on the front page of North America's most
popular Asian website! It's quite amazing actually, that three years
after the spotlight, he still gets recognized by random people.
As a guy myself, he was that one person I wanted to be. I mean why
wouldn't I? Rumour had that he was quite popular with the ladies, he
had charm and charisma (just look at his pics!), I mean people
knew who he was, Mr. S squared.
What started out as a username to identify my love for Christ became a
symbol for the desires of the material world. What began as a page
dedicated to God, eventually became a trophy celebrating me.
Though each layout I made on my account had good intentions to glorify
God, it always somehow found it's way back to "saved_soul". For some reason, this name caught on fire.
I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed the attention that I was getting and I
enjoyed the compliments. I mean it was something that I never
experienced before and it was a huge contrast to my highschool years
where i was casted as the "GEEK". It was nice change, but definitely a
change that came with a cost. It made it really difficult to stay
humble and that was something that i struggled with during that time.
People kept feeding this ego. Though the ego was not shown externally,
it was secretly growing internally, slowly taking God's place in my
life. Though i knew exactly what was happening, i made excuses to make
it acceptable.
It wasn't until the end of 2003 that i began to reflect on saved_soul
and how he changed my life. Though he was able to provide worldly
things that I wanted, I was left feeling empty. My spirit was starved
because I was feeding it junk, empty calories which hindered my growth.
I decided to let go of this image ...or did I?
Though i stopped going on AA in 2003, i kept my account. Though I no
longer posted up new "glamorous" pictures, i kept the existing ones up.
Though I didn't want to be saved_soul anymore, his name still
inevitably came up.
It wasn't until late last night during devos' that i realized why
these things still existed. And the answer is this: though the
majority of the time i don't even think about this image, a small small
part of me doesn't want to forget it. And though it's a small small
part, it is enough to hinder my efforts of giving 100% to God.
Today I've taken all the "glamorous" pictures off my accounts, asked
moderators to take my pics off their websites, officially closed my AA
account and any other accounts i had with the user name "saved_soul" and eventually this account will close as well.
Some of you might think I'm crazy! I mean can a name have that much
effect on you? I asked myself the same thing yesterday and yeah it's
weird but it does. It became something much bigger than i thought it
would be and I guess it's difficult to see that if you aren't in my
shoes.
Falling in love with saved_soul was one of the biggest mistakes I've
made, he lied to me. .
Call the police, I'm officially killing saved_soul.
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| As the rain drops gently tap against the small window in my basement
apartment, I begin flipping through the pages of my anatomy text
book....again.
Oh right, the sciatic nerve either goes above, through or under the
piriformis muscle. Entrapement of the nerve in this area causes a pain
pattern in your bootie.
The other day, a dear friend of mine has brought to my attention that I
was a nerd. Me? the coolest, hippest cat on the block, a nerd? no
freaking way!....i might be studious but i am not a nerd. My nerdy days
were back in highschool. (Actually no, that was a slight lie, i wasn't
even smart enough to be a nerd in highschool, i was just a geek.) But
regardless, those days were behind me, I was cool now...right?
These are her arguments for...i challenge the notions mentioned:
1. All you do is study. You spend more time studying than anything else.
-That's not true, i like to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, that's already 1/3 of my day gone.
2. If you are not in class, you are studying.
-That's not true, i also eat, poo and shower.
3. The number one excuse you use for not going out is because you are studying.
-The truth is, i just don't to go out with you. So i make up that excuse.
4. Out of you 4 (4 meaning me and my 3 best guys friends), you are the only one still in school.
-Yeah but they have to work now, so who's the loser?!
5. You wear glasses more and more now.
-I can't afford contacts
6. You use school gerber during conversatons.
- You mean lateral epicondylitis is not common language?
7. You dream about studying while you are sleeping!
-in my defence, it only happened 6 times last semester.
8. You are upset if it ain't an A.
-Not my fault, most asians are conditioned by their parents to think so. Blame society, not me.
9. You make stupid school jokes that no one else gets and you laugh to yourself about them.
- Maybe i just have a greater sense of humor, I take it to another level....homie.
10. Your brother is cooler than you now.
-low blow....that was a low blow.
i also looked up the definition of a nerd to see if it applied to me.
"Someone who is socially inept and unstylish;
especially one with an unnatural devoted to intellectual or academic
pursuits" referenced from www.cem.uvm.edu/util/html/definitions.php accessed on Jan. 5th 2006.
This definition does not fit me. I am socially equiped with many
weapons. I can communicate well with others, make funny jokes, make
people laugh, an active listener, be engaged in conversations in
popular culture, empathetic etc etc.
I am stylish. My day to day wardrobe might not be evidence of this. But on special days i can sure step it up a notch or two.
"Traditionally, the designation nerd (occasionally in
the form nurd) applies to an intellectually gifted (probably > 120
or so IQ) but lonely and socially awkward person, one fascinated by
knowledge, especially science and mathematics, and less interested in
physical and social activities. Visual impairment (hence the glasses)
and some form of High-Functioning Autism are also common
characteristics, and the social impairment can often be explained by
the latter. ..." referenced from
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nerd accessed on Jan. 5th, 2006
Again, this is wack! I am not lonely or socially awkward.
Yes, i am fascinated with knowledge, but the human body is amazing!
What's there not to be fascinated about?! It's God's greatest creation,
why wouldn't you want to learn about it?
The visual impairment thing is mainly genetics. It's been proven, therefore it ain't my fault i'm four eyed.
And i love physical activities! These 24 inch pipes didn't come from studying my friend.
Therefore, in conclusion, the evidence i have set forth and presented
makes it obvious that I am not not a nerd. The definitions do not
relate well with the characteristics that are my own, and the points
that my friend has pointed out are weak and lack validity
and reliability.
Now that i have procrastinated long enough, i shall return to my books.
Cheers
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| You Find Me - Allen Tram
(played by guitar)
Verse 1
I've walked this path
so many times
but still i fall
a few steps behind
but You find me.....You find me.
I've tried to run
I've tried to hide
in the darkest places
by satan's side
but You find me....You find me.
Chorus
You let me walk
You watch me fall
but you stand beside me through it all
You lift me up
with your grace I stand
like a child i'll learn to hold your hand.
Verse 2
I've closed my eyes
refused to see
that You were here
so close with me
but You hold me....You hold me
I've shut my heart
refused to feel
that Your hand was close
and Your love is real
but You hold me....You hold me.
Chorus
Bridge:
I fall again to my own sin
but You pick me up, with Your strength i stand
x2
Chorus
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| It's funny how much influence dreams can have on your mood when you wake up. Sometimes, if they are powerful and meaningful enough, they can determine your attitude for the rest of the day. It may stimulate you to think about things you haven't thought about or things you have thought about but had put aside. Even more powerful when they can stir up emotions.
Sometimes they are illustrated on such a realistic canvas, it's difficult to discern what is real and what was created.
Do dreams have meaning? Freud did state that dreams are mirror reflections of the unconcious...the super ego.If that were true, how many of you have a side no one has ever seen?
anyways, yesterday I had an epiphany! I was at the gym working out my back and decided I wanted to shave my head. date set to do so would be in early sept. after my cousin's wedding. Objections? Approvals?...give me your two cents, it may determine the fate of my hair.
side note: the girlfriend ain't too happy about abadoning the hair. *hi candice!* But hey, if Alan can cut so much hair off, why can't i? | | |
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